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Uh Oh! The most important law in a relationship 101 book is told once again. This seems like a very deep discussion that can’t be solved. However, relationships can be hard, no one says they are easy to manage but with the main ingredients COMMUNICATION, TRUST, COMMITMENT AND LOYALTY are put to the test, then it can makes things a lot smoother rather than called Keisha one in the morning crying that Michael can’t commit.
Honesty, I’m sick and tired that a lot of men can’t commit to the person they are talking to or dating. Never lead a woman on knowing you won’t be with her for long. Most women want a man who is (very) serious about a relationship especially when it’s a commited one! Men stop talking about getting into a serious relationship for 6 months and you are unsure of what exactly you want to do with her! It would honestly a) piss her off or b)make her break up with you and be with someone who takes the relationship more seriously! One thing you don’t want to do is play with a woman’s emotions! That’s the part most men lack in. Some men don’t take a woman’s feelings into consideration when talking about being commited. I’m not talking about being commited to her and you still have one or two hoes on the side! You might as well be single if you gonna do all that BS!
According to Huffington Post, in order to be committed, one must know what committment truly is. And that is so true because a lot of men think that being committed means dating the main chick and talk to other females as well on the side. WRONG! Society has it twisted on what committment truly means. There are a lot of decent men out here ladies that’s willing to give their all and all and to settle down and plus get married. That’s the type of man you will need. But if you find him always making excuses and not speaking up, then that could be frustrating and emotional. Ladies wouldn’t you want a beautiful man that can treat you like the Queen you truly are? Well you deserve it! If you are a real woman whose independent and successful, you will certainly attract a man who is looking for his future wife.
It all starts out with honestly. It doesn’t matter how you committ (you and your partner) but as long as the two of you can actually sit down and talk things over about your relationship and come to a conclusion that the two of you want to be committed to each other, yall are on the right track! No sense in wasting your time and begging him and asking him to committ. That’s what you don’t want to do! If you find yourself doing that, then that’s your cue to leave…immediately.
On www.erelationshipadvice.com, published author Andrea Matthews gives some great advice on signs he doesn’t want to committ.
Signs that he doesn’t want to committ
1) He has a hard time admitting that he loves you
2) He hides information from you
3) He disrespects you in front of his friends
4) If he doesn’t invite you to social functions
5) If he is afraid of marrying you
6) If he keeps up dating other people frequently, then he isn’t probably ready to committ
So ask yourself this very important quesiton, “ARE YOU READY TO COMMITT AND IS HE READY TO COMMITT?” Time will tell.
Important Commandment in the Dating and Relationships 101 class: THOU SHALL
Peace and Blessings!
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I was sitting and chatting with my best friend who is a male. He says “E why are you wanting to go back… WE are playas we don’t look back” But I am not a playa. I still love this guy and I still feel like we can make it work. Yes this the same Ex from before. I finally called and we finally talked. We both realize that we were wrong and we have forgiven. I truly missed having our friendship. He understands me more than other people do. Like I said before I missed my friend in him, I missed the laughter we use to share.
How did we get back here? Well we have never missed each others birthday and we stopped talking shortly after mine. Well his was coming up and I was nervous about saying “Happy Birthday”. How would I tell him…had he deleted my number, will he know it is me… Maybe I should just text and see what happens. These are all things that came into mind. I sat down with my pen and pad and wrote the words that were on my heart, which turned into something so powerful. Here is a little piece of it
“Fighting my feelings is something that I am good at.
Not acknowledging them a lot easier than facing them head on.
I admit I am terrified of falling in love and staying in love.
Then there is the fear of my love not being acknowledged.
I guess that makes me flawed
I’m far from perfect and I love how God works on me daily.
He keeps telling me not to fear the one who is meant to love me.
Maybe it came a little late. Maybe we hurt each other too much already
It’s just so finale with us… The friendship is missed…
The laughter is missed
The strength is missed
I will not pretend and say I don’t think of you often, you even show up in my dreams.” So you see my heart still loved him then, and even now. I opted to send through facebook. Reason being I would know when he saw it. I didn’t expect the response that I got but it opened the perfect door.
There are not too many people in the world that really understand me. They don’t really know what makes me tick. He knows my heart is in a good place and supporting him make my heart beat louder than normal. I don’t know where this is going but I hope it goes far. To be honest even if just ends a friendship I will be ok.
I, nature, am easy going and pretty much what you see is what you get. I’m known to speak my mind and I expect those around me to do the same. I’m not going to always agree with my friends and I know they won’t always agree with me. However, if we have a problem I fully expect us to talk about it. So when I realized one of my friends had been avoiding me and not speaking to me I asked why. The response I got was an eye roll and a shrug of the shoulders. I smiled and kept it moving because in that moment I realized that she and I were on different courses. I’m okay with that. My life has gone on, but apparently she has let me rent space in her head. That is why I wrote the following piece.
You see you gave me space in your head
I didn’t ask for it, didn’t even know I took
You moved me in and gave me free reign
Oh, yes I do
Power thrown away and handed to me
All I did was speak my mind
The insecurities you harbor took offense
They rallied together and presented you a
That to avoid and ignore me would hurt me
I’m not the one who changed my routine and
how I behave
I’m still me and I treat you no differently
But I control how you act
Right now I own you
I have the power
Either I can use it to cause pain or teach
I can antagonize or release
You gave me the power to choose to make
you a puppet or let you roam free
Little do you know I never wanted your
power because I have my own
Never did I accept it I just dusted it off
and kept it safe
You’re just too blind to take your power back
in your head.
Living day to day with our hectic schedules, trying to have a career and a social or dating life is not easy. We may feel as if we are being pulled in many directions and just want to take a break but feel we don’t have the time to even do that, especially if you are raising a child or children, alone. Being a parent is not an easy job, but this is the most important job you could ever have. It can be especially demanding for those who have chosen to become parents, not biologically!
Children can be the apple of your eye but can also try your patience! Especially if the child is not your own! I have witnessed this first hand. In my family I have an overwhelming abundance of nieces and nephews and have seen my own family members take care of each other’s children, especially one of my brothers who has been raising our sister’s two children including four of his own children and now grandchildren. Sometimes the biological parent is unable to care for their own, so what do you do if this is your family? Do you step up to the plate and take your family members in or do you let them go into the foster care system? It can be a hard and complicated decision to make and one you may not be fully prepared for. What do you do when you take in a family members’ children? How do you cope? How does it affect your life?
One of our faithful Urban Image readers, IsReal from Atlanta, Georgia asked me those questions because she was going through that situation. After discussing this with IsReal, she agreed to write her story and share with our readers.
“Growing up I always heard the term, “It takes a village to raise a child.” But, it wasn’t until recently I found out what that meant to me. I am 34 years old, single and no kids. That is until I received custody of my 15 year old paternal nephew. I quickly realized I was one of those villagers that would be raising a child and within my own bloodline. My nephew’s background is all too common in a lot of young, African American children’s lives. They have parents who are just absent or present in body but absent in nurturing care and authority. I received a call one day that my nephew had been removed from his mother’s care and was placed in a group home. No one could tell me exactly where he was at the time or what group home he’d been taken to.
My sister and I sprang into action making phone calls, researching online and attempting to trace the steps that led up to his placement in a group home. We finally located him and began the process of learning what it would take for us to bring him home. Unfortunately, the state’s idea of allowing a loving family member to rescue a child from the system is, putting them through the most intruding, drawn out, expensive and toiling process. They require a home evaluation, background check and drug test at your expense, several court appearances and all the time the child is still in the group home. The administration that requires all of this is the same administration that allowed the child to be returned to his mother when there were cases that caused him to be previously removed. After missing many days of work and pay, attending court, promising my nephew that I was working as hard as I can to help him and being patient the courts finally granted me full custody.
The battle was finally over, or so I thought. I had not yet grasped the idea that I was going to be a full time parent and would be taking on the responsibility of raising a young boy already in puberty. The other thing I quickly realized is, although he is chronologically 15 his stage of development had not quite caught up.
Now, while trying to cope as a new parent I am also dealing with delayed development, bad habits, dislike for authority, trust issues and past hurts. This situation has sent a shock wave through my entire life and there is no part of my life it does not affect. I no longer have just myself to be concerned with. I now have to dress, feed and care for another person. I can no longer just accept a date or get up and go wherever I want. I have to plan in advance and be cautious about whom I allow in my nephew’s presence. I have to protect him at all costs and although love compelled me to take on this enormous responsibility, it is often a struggle to wake up and do it every day. It weighs on me emotionally, financially and mentally.
One thing this situation has brought to the forefront for me is the lack of dedicated, appropriate male role models. I have had a really trying time attempting to find a committed mentor for my nephew, even in church. My saving grace has been my sister, being able to laugh when I want to be angry or cry and those moments I steal to spend alone with myself and God. I often laugh and think of the saying, “We tell God our plans and He just laughs.” Because, the one thing I never wanted be was a single mother. I am not just a single mother, but a mother to someone else’s child. My plan no longer exists; it’s all God’s plan directing my life now.”
I know IsReal is not alone in her story. You may have been raised by a family member or are raising family members now. Anyway you can help to shape or mold a child’s life in a positive manner is a blessing. It is a gift! Our children today are suffering, hurting, being bullied from peer pressure, letting social media rule their lives and looking for answers, just trying to fit in. They are becoming statistics, victims of violence. We need to reclaim the family foundation! Do your part in the village to help raise and nurture not only your family members but others in your community. As cliche as it is, but true, our children are our future!
Thank you IsReal, for sharing your story! IsReal is a writer, poet, theatre and mime performer, residing in Atlanta, Georgia.
Make me an idolized Queen and place me upon your heart! I surely don’t understand why some men still have a problem committing to their girlfriend in a relationship. Make time for her and stop giving us ladies that BS excuse of “I’m busy” Do you know how many times we are tired of hearing that all the time? It’s like a rehearsed song in the back of our head!
Queens should be treated with dignity and handled with special care. If a man is willing to commit, why not give her your “full” attention instead of pushing her away at times? Stop playing your pokemon cards and your mortal combat and get to the basics of love! We love attention from our soul mates just like I said in my last post. It’s just the matter of time of how often we give it, how much time you are spending with each other and of course ask yourself this very important question, “Is the love REAL?” We don’t do “fake love” which is falsely advertising or leading a person on when really you ain’t down for the real thang! Take off from work every once in a blue moon and show her that it’s real! Quality time is ULTIMATE important while dating and in a relationship because it allows both of you to get to know each other a little better and too be comfortable with each other’s presence.
Yes fellas, tell your boys you ain’t coming over tonight because you will be kicking it with your Queen, your boo-thang! So by putting her #1 in your life at times, you are making some choices that you are willing to take risks and challenges with the relationship. This can be good and bad, but if you truly accept ALL her flaws, then you are good to go! Don’t claim that you are in a relationship with someone when you can’t even pick the phone up once in awhile just to hear her voice or to send her a text in the middle of the day to make her smile. It’s the simple things that makes things worth the while….and the wait!
Ladies, make sure that he is being submissive to you. I know a lot of guys aren’t that, but its worth the try. Dominant men are good too if you like the aggressive type (I know I do!) If a man OR woman can’t be true or stay true to their words in a relationships, then maybe the two of you should give each other some space to grow..or break-up. No need to lead someone on who isn’t working hard and being totally committed. You are just wasting your time and no one likes their time wasted in a relationship! I know I don’t!
So therefore, there isn’t nothing wrong with a woman being a PRIORITY at times. Make her feel wanted around you and let her know that you are still interested in her and that you care. Sometimes a woman prefers to hear those words when she isn’t around you. I know for a fact, I like to hear words and actions are a definite plus! When both are committed in a relationship and the two of you are on the same page, you will see great results in the end.
Peace and Blessings!