Post archive for ‘Blog Topics’
Living day to day with our hectic schedules, trying to have a career and a social or dating life is not easy. We may feel as if we are being pulled in many directions and just want to take a break but feel we don’t have the time to even do that, especially if you are raising a child or children, alone. Being a parent is not an easy job, but this is the most important job you could ever have. It can be especially demanding for those who have chosen to become parents, not biologically!
Children can be the apple of your eye but can also try your patience! Especially if the child is not your own! I have witnessed this first hand. In my family I have an overwhelming abundance of nieces and nephews and have seen my own family members take care of each other’s children, especially one of my brothers who has been raising our sister’s two children including four of his own children and now grandchildren. Sometimes the biological parent is unable to care for their own, so what do you do if this is your family? Do you step up to the plate and take your family members in or do you let them go into the foster care system? It can be a hard and complicated decision to make and one you may not be fully prepared for. What do you do when you take in a family members’ children? How do you cope? How does it affect your life?
One of our faithful Urban Image readers, IsReal from Atlanta, Georgia asked me those questions because she was going through that situation. After discussing this with IsReal, she agreed to write her story and share with our readers.
“Growing up I always heard the term, “It takes a village to raise a child.” But, it wasn’t until recently I found out what that meant to me. I am 34 years old, single and no kids. That is until I received custody of my 15 year old paternal nephew. I quickly realized I was one of those villagers that would be raising a child and within my own bloodline. My nephew’s background is all too common in a lot of young, African American children’s lives. They have parents who are just absent or present in body but absent in nurturing care and authority. I received a call one day that my nephew had been removed from his mother’s care and was placed in a group home. No one could tell me exactly where he was at the time or what group home he’d been taken to.
My sister and I sprang into action making phone calls, researching online and attempting to trace the steps that led up to his placement in a group home. We finally located him and began the process of learning what it would take for us to bring him home. Unfortunately, the state’s idea of allowing a loving family member to rescue a child from the system is, putting them through the most intruding, drawn out, expensive and toiling process. They require a home evaluation, background check and drug test at your expense, several court appearances and all the time the child is still in the group home. The administration that requires all of this is the same administration that allowed the child to be returned to his mother when there were cases that caused him to be previously removed. After missing many days of work and pay, attending court, promising my nephew that I was working as hard as I can to help him and being patient the courts finally granted me full custody.
The battle was finally over, or so I thought. I had not yet grasped the idea that I was going to be a full time parent and would be taking on the responsibility of raising a young boy already in puberty. The other thing I quickly realized is, although he is chronologically 15 his stage of development had not quite caught up.
Now, while trying to cope as a new parent I am also dealing with delayed development, bad habits, dislike for authority, trust issues and past hurts. This situation has sent a shock wave through my entire life and there is no part of my life it does not affect. I no longer have just myself to be concerned with. I now have to dress, feed and care for another person. I can no longer just accept a date or get up and go wherever I want. I have to plan in advance and be cautious about whom I allow in my nephew’s presence. I have to protect him at all costs and although love compelled me to take on this enormous responsibility, it is often a struggle to wake up and do it every day. It weighs on me emotionally, financially and mentally.
One thing this situation has brought to the forefront for me is the lack of dedicated, appropriate male role models. I have had a really trying time attempting to find a committed mentor for my nephew, even in church. My saving grace has been my sister, being able to laugh when I want to be angry or cry and those moments I steal to spend alone with myself and God. I often laugh and think of the saying, “We tell God our plans and He just laughs.” Because, the one thing I never wanted be was a single mother. I am not just a single mother, but a mother to someone else’s child. My plan no longer exists; it’s all God’s plan directing my life now.”
I know IsReal is not alone in her story. You may have been raised by a family member or are raising family members now. Anyway you can help to shape or mold a child’s life in a positive manner is a blessing. It is a gift! Our children today are suffering, hurting, being bullied from peer pressure, letting social media rule their lives and looking for answers, just trying to fit in. They are becoming statistics, victims of violence. We need to reclaim the family foundation! Do your part in the village to help raise and nurture not only your family members but others in your community. As cliche as it is, but true, our children are our future!
Thank you IsReal, for sharing your story! IsReal is a writer, poet, theatre and mime performer, residing in Atlanta, Georgia.
Make me an idolized Queen and place me upon your heart! I surely don’t understand why some men still have a problem committing to their girlfriend in a relationship. Make time for her and stop giving us ladies that BS excuse of “I’m busy” Do you know how many times we are tired of hearing that all the time? It’s like a rehearsed song in the back of our head!
Queens should be treated with dignity and handled with special care. If a man is willing to commit, why not give her your “full” attention instead of pushing her away at times? Stop playing your pokemon cards and your mortal combat and get to the basics of love! We love attention from our soul mates just like I said in my last post. It’s just the matter of time of how often we give it, how much time you are spending with each other and of course ask yourself this very important question, “Is the love REAL?” We don’t do “fake love” which is falsely advertising or leading a person on when really you ain’t down for the real thang! Take off from work every once in a blue moon and show her that it’s real! Quality time is ULTIMATE important while dating and in a relationship because it allows both of you to get to know each other a little better and too be comfortable with each other’s presence.
Yes fellas, tell your boys you ain’t coming over tonight because you will be kicking it with your Queen, your boo-thang! So by putting her #1 in your life at times, you are making some choices that you are willing to take risks and challenges with the relationship. This can be good and bad, but if you truly accept ALL her flaws, then you are good to go! Don’t claim that you are in a relationship with someone when you can’t even pick the phone up once in awhile just to hear her voice or to send her a text in the middle of the day to make her smile. It’s the simple things that makes things worth the while….and the wait!
Ladies, make sure that he is being submissive to you. I know a lot of guys aren’t that, but its worth the try. Dominant men are good too if you like the aggressive type (I know I do!) If a man OR woman can’t be true or stay true to their words in a relationships, then maybe the two of you should give each other some space to grow..or break-up. No need to lead someone on who isn’t working hard and being totally committed. You are just wasting your time and no one likes their time wasted in a relationship! I know I don’t!
So therefore, there isn’t nothing wrong with a woman being a PRIORITY at times. Make her feel wanted around you and let her know that you are still interested in her and that you care. Sometimes a woman prefers to hear those words when she isn’t around you. I know for a fact, I like to hear words and actions are a definite plus! When both are committed in a relationship and the two of you are on the same page, you will see great results in the end.
Peace and Blessings!
It is reported the History Channel has acquired the rights to remake the 1977 ABC blockbuster miniseries Roots that starred Levar Burton as Kunte Kinte with an all-star cast! Roots was based on the book Roots: The Saga Of An American Family by Alex Haley. The remake will be 8 hours instead of 12 as was the original. In 1977 Roots was able to give society an upfront image of the travesty of slavery which sparked discussion in the nation regarding race relations.
At the time Roots aired I was 8 years old and can vividly remember being glued to the television every night to watch the miniseries. My parents and the brief introduction in history books taught me about slavery but this was the first time those stories could be visualized. The movie made me question my own family history and want to know more. However, I do recall at the time being in the fourth grade and some of my fellow Caucasian classmates would tell off-color Kunta Kinte jokes which angered me and I am sure many others experienced similar situations, which may have sparked heated debates or even violence. Nonetheless, Roots at 8 years old, gave me a sense of pride that as a little black girl and a race we could overcome anything. I could not fathom living during that time and was able to appreciate all my ancestors had sacrificed. After watching the movie, I grew up with a new sense of empowerment thinking I was here because the strongest of the strongest of my ancestors survived! It was now my obligation to not let them down; to not let their lives and sacrifices be in vain!
In light of recent movies embarking on the topics of slavery and civil rights such as Django, 42, The Butler and 12 Years A Slave, are we being bombarded with rehashing old stories? Are we going backwards instead of forwards? Are we just holding onto the past? I don’t think so. I believe in order to go forward you must not forget your past. You cannot pretend it didn’t exist.
The younger generation needs to be educated about our history and I believe any movie that can help educate and enlighten our children as well as adults that are unwilling and naive to our struggle for civil rights, needs to be shown, as traumatic as the past was. BET aired the original series last year and I was glued to the television as if I was watching it for the first time!
This time watching as an adult I was able to appreciate our ancestors even more but the feelings of sadness and anger were fresh as the first time I watched it! I reflected as far as we have come as a people, we still have a long way to go. Racism and discrimination still exists on a daily basis with senseless killings, job discrimination, unequal imprisonment time, education and economic disparity, profiling etc. We must continue to fight and educate ourselves regarding racial injustices and if movies can spark change, they should continue to be made!
I am looking forward to seeing the remake. The air date for the new mini-series is TBD! Stay tuned for more info!
We all desire to have that passionate attention from the man dew or women dew. I know for a fact I love the attention. There is nothing wrong with wanting attention. We want our spouse to talk to us and ask us how we are doing. Batting our eyelashes and smiling in depth because we have captured their attention. But why do some men think that desiring attention means that you are thirsty? I don’t think it means that you are thirsty not one bit.
A lot of us like to spark up conversations and personally me, I love the attention of a man. Does that make me thirsty? NO. Like I expressed earlier, attention within a relationship isn’t all that bad. It just means that both of the partners wants to express feelings from each other. While in a relationship, it is very important that we don’t make the other person feel lonely from within. Make them feel wanted and romantic. There is nothing wrong with calling your girlfriend just to hear her sexy voice or to hear her say your name or it’s nothing wrong with calling him just to make you laugh or to tell you a funny joke to cheer you up on a rainy day. But remember getting attention does suffer some consequences. You can loose focus in your relationship and within yourself. Too much attention can be dangerous and emotionally drained.
Here is feedback from one of my friends and networking buddies on twitter on what he thinks about attention in a relationship
M.D. says “attention is absolutely necessary. you’ve got to both be giving it and be getting it.”
Do you agree? Tweet me your responses to www.twitter.com/AuthorNicoleP Your feedback is greatly appreciated!
Peace and Blessings!
Last night BET aired the 2nd Annual 2013 Black Girls Rock show hosted by actresses Tracee Ellis Ross and Regina King. The show honored women and young girls that have made an invaluable contribution to society. The honorees were:
- Misty Copeland-Young Gifted & Black Award
- Ameena Matthews- Community Activism
- Mara Brock-Akil- Shot Caller Award
- Queen Latifah-Rock Star Award
- Venus Williams- Star Power Award
- Patti LaBelle-Living Legend Award
- Marian Wright Edelman-Social Humanitarism Award
- Brooklyn Wright-M.A.D. Girls Award
- Mary Pat Hector-M.A.D. Girls Award
- Ty-Licia Hooker-M.A.D. Girls Award
These women have given their time and talents unselfishly to help make a difference and make this world a better place. It was refreshing and motivating to see women honored in this way. Black Girls Rock was founded by former model, DJ and philanthropist, Beverly Bond, to empower and mentor young women of color in the arts and encourage dialogue regarding how women are viewed in the media.
The show started with a musical performance and step show by Janelle Monae, electrifying the crowd and getting the party started! Jennifer Hudson, Ledisi and Amber Reilly also performed. And there was a surprise trio featuring Kelly Rowland, Sevyn Streeter and Eve! Yes, what a surprise to see and hear Eve! Girl still got it! Another surprise was the reunion of the cast of the show Girlfriends to present the award to the show’s writer, Mara Brock-Akil! Honoree and ballerina Misty Copeland danced as Patti LaBelle sang her heart out! You would not know Miss Patti is 69 and she still workin it like she got a new attitude! Jazz and soul singer Alice Smith performed as well. These ladies rocked the house and why wouldn’t they, after all, Black Girls Rock!
The performances and acceptance speeches confirmed that women do run the world! As I watched the show I was overcome by the fact that the audience contained women of every shade, shape, hairstyle, fashion sense and style you could imagine. Each one was beautiful in their own special way. Only God could create each of us to be our own masterpieces!
There is nothing we cannot do and accomplish if we put our minds to it. No matter what the adversity, juggling kids, career, school, family, men, husbands, young or old, we can change the world and make a difference. Whatever your dreams are, you can achieve them! Do not let anyone tell you otherwise because Black Girls Do Rock!
Beverly Bond discusses the creation of Black Girls Rock!
Tagged as 2013 Black Girls Rock, Alice Smith, Amber Reilly, Ameena Matthews, BET, Beverly Bond, Brooklyn Wright, eve, janelle monae, jennifer hudson, Kelly Rowland, Ledisi, Mara Brock-Akil, Marian Wright Edelman, Mary Pat Hector, Misty Copeland, Patti LaBelle, Queen Latifah, regina king, Sevyn Streeter, Tracee Ellis Ross, Ty-Licia Hooker, Venus Williams
Categorized as Blog Topics, Gossip & Entertainment News